I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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