I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
