its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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