i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
