Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have aggressive nipples.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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