Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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