who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
