i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
