1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
