Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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