We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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