Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize