i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
