He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
