I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
