Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
