Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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