You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
