I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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