Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
