he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
