stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
