So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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