Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
