i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
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Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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