I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have fence marks all over my body
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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