This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
