Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
