i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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