well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
