I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
