And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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