Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize