my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
