I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
