The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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