google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
try to milk me bitch
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