So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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