Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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