I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
