This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
