Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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