I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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