I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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