OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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