Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
