the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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