thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
