if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
