Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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