Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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