I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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