they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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