I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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