will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
