Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
