Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
