woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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