Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
