i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
