Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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