best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
