i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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