I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish my penis had a tongue
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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