I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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