You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
