Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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