he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
