Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
