Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
