If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
