You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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