brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
