just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
