At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
