My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
