"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Come see our sink grown plant.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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