Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
