I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
