Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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